I’ve gotten a bit behind the eight ball in describing my experience with cancer and so I’m going to have to do a few flashback posts to catch up. : )
Just before taking my first, smaller dose of radiation I was told that because the cancer had spread through most of my lymph nodes on both sides of my neck, I would be given a significantly larger dose of radio-iodine than the average person my size so they could be sure to completely eradicate the cancer no matter where it had gone in my body from there.. This came as a shock to me. In my head I was thinking, “Really? Even after going through five months of treatment, they really did not know whether or not my cancer had spread or where it might have spread to?”
For some reason, I had this crazy expectation that my doctors would know so much more by then. I mean, I’d had ultrasounds, a biopsy, tons and tons of blood work, surgery, pathology and a PET scan and they seriously were not sure where the cancer was? Knowing what I know now, my expectations weren’t really reasonable, but all the same, it was hard to let go of that belief that doctors know everything and will make everything okay. With some illnesses, they simply do the best they can with what they know and have.And so, with shaken confidence and added fear of what a higher dosage really meant, I went to the hospital on a Monday for my low-dose.
Fortunately, for the first dose, I was able to ride to and from the hospital with Carl and for the two days I was in isolation, he could come see me, he just had to sit across the room. It was nice to be able to have him there with me in the evenings to talk to, even if I couldn’t touch him or be near him. Those first two days, it was the dogs I missed the most. : ) During that time, I put together my alter and my medicine bag and tried my best to prepare my mind for the significantly larger dose (small dose was about two millicuries as opposed to the big dose which was 200 millicuries). My way of coping typically involves staying very busy with things I enjoy or want to think about to keep from brooding. It all went off without a hitch and on that Wednesday, Carl and I went back to the hospital, this time in separate cars for the big dose.
And for that story, you’ll have to wait until next time. : )
