a messy house.

a second job.

two bad dogs who demolished first the red lunch bag then the blue one both in the same week.

a happy heart because even though I’m busy and tired sometimes and even though I don’t have a lunchbag anymore, I am surrounded by love.  : )

Last thursday, I woke up twenty-five,  ran down the stairs (I was a tad late getting out of bed) and was going almost fast enough to miss the rectangular package wrapped in muppets wrapping paper on the dining room table: almost, but not quite.  : )

I asked Carl who it was from and he shrugged his shoulders.

I asked Carl if I could shake it and he said, “No!”

I asked Carl if I should open the card first (even though I really really wanted to know what was in the dang box!) and he said I could open whichever I wanted first  . . .

IT WAS A LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A LAPTOP FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE LAPTOP WE WEREN’T GOING TO GET UNTIL AFTER WE WERE MARRIED BECAUSE WE COULDN”T AFFORD IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS MINE MINE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )

Hmmm, odd, the reason I couldn’t have one was because we couldn’t afford it . . . that’s when I opened the card and discovered that Katie, Katy, Julie and Sara–my fabulous four, had all pitched in with Carl so I could have my long-coveted laptop.   That might have been when I started crying, possibly, if I were the type of girl to cry which I’m not, so . . . whatever.

What an incredible gift.  What incredible friends.  What more could a girl ask for on her birthday?  I love you all so much and I don’t know what else to say about how much I appreciate my present.  : )

In an hour and a half I’ll be twenty five.  Birthdays always make me think about my life and where I am and where I was hoping to be, how my plans have changed, how I have changed and how I have stayed the same, what I want, what I only want to want and what I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t want at all.  Right now, I’m supposed to be packing for our trip this weekend, but after cleaning the kitchen, refilling the dog food container and tidying the dining room, I managed to convince myself I could put it off until tomorrow.

Instead of packing, I’ve decided to write.  If you know your own way to my poetry, that’s where I’ll be.  : )

I got in the car today after work and nearly had a panic attack just thinking about my to do list.

Now, having started with thing one–breathe, I have accomplished half.

Winter is almost here; I can feel it in my blood tonight.  Or maybe its just that it was dark at seven and its freezing outside.  : )

I’m not supposed to be sitting on the couch writing right now, but all I can think is poetry poetry poetry . . .

*I’m checking out Tristan’s new home today and we are moving him tomorrow.

*I’ll be turning 25 in 2 days!

*A family friend, Primo, has agreed to make a Southern style BBQ dinner for the wedding!  That means hush puppies and fried okra and boiled peanuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )

*I’m going to Boise tomorrow for another wild Halloween with Hulie.  : )

*My mama has requested that I bring my current knitting/crochet projects.

*My cousin Mollie is going to help me figure out the perfect design for a guest book that is more than just a list of names I can’t even read.

*We’ve just about clawed our way back to square one and I can’t wait to start over.  I slept better last night than I have in a month.     

*My brother is coming home.  : )

So I woke up this morning and decided to make french chicken bake for dinner.  Its a delicious, but somewhat time consuming on the front end, casserole and Carl had already forgotten having it at my mom’s, but he loved it.  : )  I took my little notebook that my mom had copied all my favorite recipes into when I went to college and brought it with me to work so I could write out a grocery list of the things we didn’t already have at home.  Throughout the day when the phones were dead I put my list together and then when work got out I went straight to . . . Ross Dress for Less! But that’s another story.  After leaving Ross I went to Fred Meyer and opened my purse to retrieve my list only to discover it was missing!

I looked all over the cab, under the seats, dug through my purse twice and finally gave up.  I could only remember two of the six or so things that were on it which was very disheartening and on top of that I passed two different pairs of people in the store only to have them giggle as I walked by.  Its probably that junior high thing where when people giggle as you walk by you immediately begin wondering if you have a booger in your nose or a giant pimple on your face, but I started to feel extremely awkward.

It wasn’t until I became so awkward that I put my hands in my back pockets (an old, mostly gone habit) that I found my list, not in my pocket mind you, but stuck to my rear.  I wouldn’t doubt for a moment that it had been there ever since I got off work, meaning it went with me in Ross as well as Fred Meyer.  Thanks, Awkward Girl, Friday just wouldn’t be complete without you.  ; )

I’ve had poetry on my mind and here is one I’m happy with.  Its hard to find a balance in my thoughts when my life is so off-balance at the moment.  My best birthday present this year is going to be having all current issues resolved by the end of my birthday weekend.

catalyst

catapult me

into that other place

where you can’t sit on the the sofa

you’re staring up at

from the living room floor

I’d love to do this another way

but my eyes cling to their color

I simply am what I am

This is all I know of release

I tie a thought to every letter

then cast the words out of my heart

hoping they’ll fly

but they sometimes sink like stones

I sink like a stone sometimes too

where did all my courage go?

Bright yellow thoughts shine out

from these diligent digits

ticking away at compliant keys

they say only what I tell them too

and suddenly I want them to say more.

“It is unique! Because, no one else is YOU getting married!”   

                            Thanks Kate.  : )

I finished The Lovely Bones last night and its been on my mind ever since.  I miss college so desperately right now it hurts!  I want to talk to Professor Hindrichs and hash it out with my literary criticism class.  But there’s no one here and the only book club I’ve managed to be a part of wants nothing to do with this kind of book.  Where are all the people what want to talk seriously about books???  I know you’re out there!

I want to curl up in our living room in front of the gas stove (which I lit for the first time last night!), hot cocoa in hand (with a splash of peppermint schnapps ; ) and talk books.  Sigh.

On the upside, the words are finally coming.  For some reason out of nowhere yesterday I was sitting at my desk and lines just started popping into my head.  : )

~Yesterday we went furniture shopping and bought a beautiful bookshelf and even though its taller than Carl, it barely fits all our books.

~We also purchased a beautiful, wooden coat rack to try and make up for the closet space we lost to the beer/beer supplies. 

~I will post pics, but its going to be at least a few days before everything is truly put away.  Carl got the desk put together and if the fact that when I went upstairs to write awhile before bed, he was sitting in his man-cave on his Captain’s chair at his Command Center (aka desk) eating ice cream even though the computer isn’t even in the room yet is any indication, I’d say he’s thrilled to have an office.  : )

~This morning I got up and made our lunches, decided to make potatoe soup for dinner, left for work on time and managed to stay on course the entire ten minute drive!!!   I’m on a roll ladies and gents. 

~Last night Carl’s mom and sister came by with the baby to hang out for the evening.  We all went out to dinner and Debbie told me about an idea she has for our wedding cake.  Its basically the most awesome cupcake idea ever and I’m stoked!  Especially because she’s going to make them herself and out of Carl and I’s favorite cake batter.  Love me some Debbie.  : )

~I’ll be twenty five in just under 2 weeks and I have so much to be thankful for.  I can’t wait to go to Boise and see my mama and my papa and my Hulie and celebrate a quarter century of awful beautiful wonderful life.  : )